Reading into things can get things way out of context. Each time we converse we bring assumptions and stories to the interaction. Like this one. The same memory, a different takeaway. All those years feeling guilty for moving away and for no reason.
Daughter – I am so sorry I hurt your heart. I was young and stupid. Reminding you of my bad attitude and teenage angst those many years ago was a bit insensitive. For you it cuts deep. I can hear it in your voice. You catch your breath and stay quiet on the phone. I didn’t realise. I want to give a warm hug but guilt sits on my chest. I’m so sorry. You had so much going on in your life. I didn’t realise or recognise how I was ‘adding fuel to the fire’ until now.
Mother -When you decided to move on – I was so concerned how you would manage. So young and yet so brave to secure employment, find accommodation, and move from the family home. But you achieved it all successfully. Not bad for a teenager!
I become weepy for nothing important these days so don’t be concerned my dear sweet. It’s nothing important nor a reflection on the past.
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I know the dark space that operations and medication can do to your headspace. This cards for mum. After a second operation less than a couple of weeks apart I know she’s struggling. When a loved one is in hospital you can’t always be with them, especially these days. That makes things so tough. Wish I could be there with her. This short poem is for her.
Love you to the moon and back but get that things are hard
Thinking of you heaps today so thought I'd send this card
Imagine I am sitting there on your bed and all
We'll laugh at life's twists and turns...beats staring at a wall!
We'll chat of meds that work best or needles that you score
The kindness of your nurses and patients that do snore
This place is a pitstop and it's bumpy on the way
So seatbelt on, hold on tight, lets take it day by day
BY DEE GRANT 2021
Photo by Jacob Kelvin.J on Pexels.com
Teenage angst I hear your cry. You tempted me with your fresh knowledge untested by life’s setbacks. I knew better but I was miserable. I walked away from a parent’s love so as not to disappoint them further.
Roll the years forward a generation…
Now I hear of you my darling niece. I feel your anger as if it were a forgotten love song. In a world where hormones explode like balloons freshly stomped by teenage partygoers you storm off. Do you know how much you are loved my darling?
I think of you while you're away
and as night dances on the day
and failing light segments are strewn
as orange beams that chase the moon
I think of you as silhouettes
can etch the land as day forgets
and blue, then red, once more regress
and night presents its sweet caress
DEE GRANT 2021
This is a rewrite of the poem I wrote earlier called Night Presents it’s Sweet Caress. I’ve been reading a couple of articles to improve my rhyming style.
E.L Literature (2021)“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost — EL.Literature – Form, Meter, Rhyme in ‘Formal’ Poetry
Masterclass (2020) https://www.masterclass.com/articles/poetry-101-what-is-a-rhyme-scheme-learn-about-rhymed-poems-with-examples
Today I wanted to be here ‘in case the sh*t hits the fan’. Mum had a fall today and was taken away in an ambulance. She should be in a nursing home they’ll say. Well ‘don’t come the raw prawn with me’ cause we all know she just ‘won’t cop that’!
That old chestnut
People hint to mum that she should think about going to a nursing home. I’m sure ‘that old chestnut’ will be ‘back on the cards again’. I know she ‘wouldn’t have a bar of it’. Thing is oldies sometimes have no say in it. That really ‘makes mum’s blood boil’. See mum is such a private person. She loves her garden and her own space. The whole idea of being in hospital just ‘does her head in’ let alone a nursing home. She’d be ‘out of there in a flash’ if she could.
Stick to your guns
I was hanging by the computer ‘playing the waiting game’. My ‘heart was in my mouth’ when a call ‘came out of nowhere’. It was a real ‘blessing in disguise’. A stranger calls. She shares of how her nan broke her hip in her 90’s and was sent home after she recovered from a hip replacement. Her nan was ‘happy as Larry’. This stranger says “make sure you tell your mum to ‘stick to her guns'”.
It’s been a while since I wrote a piece on phrases and idioms. I hope these ones help you in understanding this uncertain space. A space where the very thing that draws family together can also pull them apart. We all want what’s best for mum but we all have different opinions.
- Be here in case the sh*t hits the fan – be close by in case something bad happens
- Playing the waiting game – Not sure what to do so watch and wait
- Heart in your mouth – Anxious
- Came out of nowhere – Unexpected
- Blessing in disguise – Something unexpected or unfortunate that results in something good happening
- Does your head in – Makes you angry or frustrated
- Out of there in a flash – Leave in a hurry
- That old chestnut – Repeating the same old story so it becomes boring
- Back on the cards – Discuss something that had been spoken of previously
- Wouldn’t have a bar of it – (Australian saying) Won’t tolerate or put up with it
- Make your blood boil – Make you very angry
- Don’t come the raw prawn with me – (Australian saying) Don’t pretend you don’t know
- Won’t cop that – Won’t take that. Not happy about that
- Happy as Larry – (Australian saying) Very happy
- Stick to your guns – Don’t give in
I can’t sleep but if I was I’d dream a dream, a dream of you. Your quirky ways, your teasing laughter, wrapped up in gorgeous ever after.
You are my sweet, my one and only. Forever yours, your one and only.
Life is precious and unexpected tragedy quashes thoughts of joy.
It reaffirms that you need to put blissful times in your life. Don’t avoid doing your will. You just don’t know when your time is up. That is this man’s legacy.
He went to the garage and to get something off the shelf.
“He’s been out there a while” you think to yourself. “I’ll just see what he’s up to”
‘Famous last words’. If you had known what was ahead would you have walked through that garage door so nonchalantly?
He was there on the garage floor.
He died suddenly, not fading away in some manky nursing home. You know those homes. They smell of pee and people walk around with dolls that they think are babies.
There is no note. There is no misadventure. There is just the memory of you nagging him to stop relying on that shelf to reach further up from the step ladder. “It’s dangerous”, you said.
It’s colour, it’s form, it’s shade and technique. It’s the artist personified, original, unique!
We’re all just creative and passionately draw. We’ll draw on your woodwork, your wall or your door. Just give the OK and we’ll be there today, drawing pictures and paintings ’til the day gets away.
Did you want a commission? We can help you with that. We’ll pull out our paints and put on our hat. With berets in place we’ll draw up the plan. We’ll sort out the colours cause you know that we can.
At the end we’ll stand back with arms folded and beam. It’s no longer blank space…it’s an artists dream.
DEE GRANT 2021
I came across this little poem recently that I wrote in my early 20’s. Can’t believe how down I was about the world back then nor how lost I felt. Thanks Dad for giving me the wiggle room to see the world through a different lens.
My life was but a battlefield a war within my soul, of building mighty fortresses against a cold world. A tough and hard exterior, a hardened view of life, of living up to others’ opinions for my life.
But deep inside a child peered out amidst the mire. A gentle spirit, a gentle heart, the real me sat and cried. For loneliness and heartache had crushed this tender heart and all that was left within was but a little spark.
And I thank my loving father for fanning that spark to flame for showing me how to be myself and not have to be ashamed of who I am, or what I do, or how I see the world.
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I’m paralyzed with indecision. It affects my every move. I can’t make that decision, just can’t get in the groove.
It’s worse when it affects the ones I love. I just have to be so sure, that I’ve researched every angle, researched it to the core.
I want clarity of reason so if it falls apart, I know I’ve done the best I can for those close to my heart.
BY DEE GRANT 2020
Do you consider yourself a procrastinator? Maybe your really an analyzer like me. You like facts so you can make an informed decision. I did a course on behavioural flexibility years ago. The course highlighted the basic ways people relate in their world. It made me appreciate that for some people they need to research before they make a decision.