Bloganuary 26 – Laughter is the Best Medicine

My quirky sense of humour. It never ceases to amaze me. It’s not everyones cup of tea. I love observational comedy.

I went to a comedy night for new comedians a while back. There was the usual guff with swearing or sexual innuendo. Not interesting.

Then one that stood out. She had me rolling round the floor laughing. “Oh my goodness”, I think to myself. “How refreshing. She is so on the same page”.

She’s speaking descriptively, and practically, about having trouble getting in and out of a toilet cubicle. So innocent and so descriptive. I could see the whole scenario playing out in my minds eye. Tears were flowing down my face. I was screaming with laughter so hard I almost wet my pants. 

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

Girls, we have all been there. It celebrates a personal appreciation of all those times you lined up. Lining up for the ladies toilets when your’e busting to go. Or when you were pregnant and that beautiful belly presses right on your bladder…gotta go gotta go.

Day 26 – Favourite part about yourself

Bloganuary 19 Mystery – One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

Day19 Something Mysterious

A short story by Dezzie

“What’s so mysterious about this bit of junk? Your dreaming if you think I’m going to fall for some ‘cock and bull story’ that you just made up. I’ve got ‘bigger fish to fry’. Where’s the real stuff”?

The shop owner cringed waiting for the robber to give him a backhander again. What could he do? That beat up bit of junk sitting in the safe was exactly that, mysterious. It was like a cameleon. It changed shape. It changed colour. It hummed and flashed. It was unique. He somehow knew it would be so important one day.  

He peered up from the floor tasting a bit of blood. He could see the rage in the robbers face. It was almost comical. He chuckled to himself likening the dude to a boiling kettle. The blokes face was red hot…and was that steam coming from his ears? He admonished himself, “Man, you must have a ‘twisted sense of humour’ to be finding something comical in such a tricky situation. ‘Get a grip’ man cause you should be fearing for your life. This blokes about to ‘kick your butt’”!

Silence.

The man peers up from the floor. “Huh”?

A police siren in the distance interrupts the altercation. The robber hightails it leaving the precious cargo still there in the safe. “Oh phew, thank goodness. I know its special but I’m not sure I wanted to lay down my life for a piece of junk. It may be unique but I am no Indiana Jones!”, he thought to himself.

He gets up and gives one last look at his treasure before shutting the safe door. It was precious, like the ring in Lord of the Rings. His Precious. His precious piece of junk. He felt its surface and wondered what it was. He felt a bit like Bilbo Baggins about to embark on a great and dangerous adventure.

Mystery is not really my thing. For this daily prompt I was sure to add my signature phrases and sayings into the mix.

Phrase or saying

  • One mans trash is another mans treasure – Some people see the same item valuable compared another seeing it worthless
  • Cock and bull story – questionable story. I always think of when a kid says the dog ate their homework
  • Bigger fish to fry – more important things to do
  • Twisted sense of humour – not mainstream humour
  • Get a grip – be in control of your thoughts or emotions
  • Kick your butt – beat someone up

Photo by Lisa Fotios at Pexels

#truestory – Sloppy sailors knot

I’d brought the boat around and dropped anchor on the beach. I swear I turned my back just for a second and  ‘blow me down’ the boat fair drifts away. Thought I had it firmly anchored.

We all watched from the beach in dismay. There it is drifting away. Drifting toward what looks like a mega cruiser. “Oh sh**t! That don’t look good”, I thought to myself.

Kneejerk reaction

I went straight into autopilot. My mind was reeling as I worked out the best way to tackle it. “You’ve got this”, I thought to myself as I launched myself into the water. Did you?

OK ‘false bravado’ aside I really thought I had it covered. I could make the distance. I’d grab the anchor rope when I got there and haul myself up onto the boat. Keys were in it. Just had to swim hard to get there in time. What could possibly go wrong?

Best laid plans

Making decisions ‘in the heat of the moment’ probably wasn’t the best option cause I was totally ‘slammed’ by the time I got to the boat. I’d made the distance. It was ‘hard yakka’ but ‘you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do’.

When it dawned on me that the rope with the anchor just wasn’t there I was dumbfounded. I could ‘feel the penny drop’ into the ‘pit of my stomach’ as I realised that I’d have to go back. Would I make it? “Mmm”, I thought to myself. “Maybe my best laid plans might have been done a bit better. Back I go…

Life is precious

When I felt my wife’s crooked arm settling under my chin to rescue me I knew I would never live the experience down.

Looking back now I think to myself, “Seriously, you’ve got this have you mate? ’cause the last time I looked it was ‘no lean, mean, fighting machine’ staring back at in the mirror! It’s been a while since you ran your last marathon… LOL like that ever happened?!#$*”.

Now my mates may ‘have a go’ and admonish me on sloppy sailors knots but the truth is it was a close call. Things could well have gone ‘pear shaped’. 

For Steve. Glad you and the boat made it back in one piece

Phrase or saying

  1. Blow me down – (UK) suprised
  2. False bravado – (Italian) talking about how can do something even if you can’t
  3. In the heat of the moment – (UK) say or do something without thinking
  4. I was slammed – Exhausted
  5. Hard yakka – (Australia 1840’s) Work hard from indigenous word but I think it was made popular in the last 30 years as there was a catchy advertisement on mens workwear.
  6. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do – (UK) do what is necessary
  7. Feel the penny drop – (UK 1939) it made sense. Oxford English Dictionary says it refers to penny in the slot machines and an article written in the Daily Mirror in 1939.
  8. Pit if my stomach – (UK) Where you feel nervousness or excitement deep deep down
  9. No lean, mean, fighting machine – (USA 1970’s)
  10. Have a go – Have a go in Australia can have a range of meanings. In this instance it means to tease someone.
  11. Pear shaped – (UK) to go wrong or to fail badly

Long paragraphs do my head in

Just the best email layout unpacked! Long paragraphs ‘do my head in’. I tend to scroll so this is layout is a gamechanger. When I worked as a student adviser for Moodle courses ‘this was the go’. Here is the gist of it.

  1. Header
  2. Dot points
  3. Dot points with details
  4. Terms and conditions

The beauty of this methodology is that it can be more inclusive. I’m not going to ‘bang on about it’ here cause I read via my mobile alot of the time. Too much text just gets boring.

Detailed header The header needs to be ‘short and sweet’ but not so people will think of it as spam. Make it targetted to the receiver. As a student they need to know that the email is worth opening and not some marketing pitch.

Dot points of main areas The dot points let them  know if there is anything of interest. They don’t need to waste time on the details. Students learning online often are stretched for time as they juggle work and study. Make that journey more streamlined.

Dot points with details This is what I am doing here. When they get to this section they can relish in ‘all the bells and whistles’. Put logical hyperlinks and pics here to keep your reader engaged with what they are interested in. 

Please note that not all students will trust a hyperlink. Sometimes it is best to not have it linked to your text. Show the raw link so they can decide whether it is trustworthy.

Detailed disclaimer The last point is the ‘legalese’. We used that term all the time to ‘keep things short and sweet’. Essentially it is all the terms and conditions to ‘cover our backs’. Generally written by a professional. Well ours always was.

You rarely needed to use this but there will always be some ‘bright spark’ out there that ‘knows how to work the system’ and essentially ‘want something for nothing’.

Oh sorry getting a bit cynical there. 99.9% of students ‘play the game’. Do their course and ‘pass with flying colours’.

Not sure how doing targetted emails plays out on WordPress so think I will give it a go at some stage

What do you think?

Phrase/Saying

  • Does my head in – (UK) frustrating
  • This was the go – how things were done
  • Bang on about it – rave on and not get to the point
  • Short and sweet – short and succinct
  • All the bells and whistles – not just the basics. Everything attractive.
  • Cover our backs – avoid blame or responsibility
  • Some bright spark – (Australia) in this sentence it is being used sarcastically. Usually means someone that is clever. Here I am saying that they are clever in trying to get out of doing things
  • Knows how to work the system – exploit something to their advantage
  • Want something for nothing – (UK) want something for little or no effort
  • Play the game – (UK) do what the guidelines say. Conform to the rules and customs
  • Pass with flying colours – (USA) Relates to flags on ships flying to show victory when they return home. Wow I didnt even know that origin. Fascinating!

#true story – Old age and treachery

She was struck by a saying her boss used ‘time and again’ to tease her when she was a ‘young whippersnapper’ and still ‘wet behind the ears’.

She sat waiting for time to pass her by. Sure enough if she looked hard enough, and waited long enough, she could see each hair turning grey. She felt like ‘such an old fart’ as she scrolled through photos of the past. She reminisced through slowly wrinkling skin to the youthfulness and adventure of yesteryear. “Ah those were the days”, she thought to herself. She breathed a despondent sigh.

That sigh was short lived. She’d had an epiphany! She was struck by a saying her boss used ‘time and again’ to tease her when she was a ‘young whippersnapper’ and still ‘wet behind the ears’. He used to say “Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill”. Finally she got what he meant.

So bring on the grey hairs. Get those wrinkles pumping. She had found a new meaning and purpose. “I’m not dead yet! Granny is here. So watch out youngsters, old age and treachery here I come”.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

Phrase/Saying

  • Old fart – (UK, 1940’s) someone boring and old fashioned (MacMillan Dictionary).
  • Time and again – (USA) Repeatedly
  • Young whippersnapper – (UK, 1700’s) Young person that is overly confident. Hails from the days when people cracked whips
  • Wet behind the ears – (USA 1900’s) Only recently started a new…job, career etc so inexperienced
  • Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill – (USA 1900s) David Mamet quote. Actual quote is slightly different but it means the same thing.

#true story – Back in the nick of time

I just got ‘back in the nick of time’ today. I’d been ‘galavanting around’ the local cafes trying to find a coffee brand that ‘piqued my interest’. Eventually I ‘set up shop’ in a local art cafe. I grabbed a coffee and a bit of cake, and sat and ‘watched the world pass by’. Cool jazz played in the background as the sound of the coffee machine deafened the barista. Still, ’twas good coffee even if future hearing aids may be required!

Eventually I meandered back home with the ‘sun on my back’ and a ‘song in my heart’. 

Almost home I saw storm clouds gathering above. Pedestrians hurried to find shelter. Thunder roared in the sky. Would I make it home in time?

‘Home safe and sound’ I sat and looked out the window. It was just ‘pissing down’. I’d ‘missed it by the skin of my teeth’!

Phrase/Saying and origin

  • back in the nick of time – back just in time (UK 1500’s)
  • galavanting around – roaming around for pleasure (UK 1800’s)
  • piqued my interest – I was interested (France 1500’s)
  • set up shop – to be at the one place for a while (UK 1500’s)
  • watched the world pass by – watching people going passed
  • sun on my back – feeling good like a bright sunny day
  • song in my heart – feeling great (USA 1920’s)
  • home safe and sound – home safely (UK 1400’s)
  • pissing down – raining heavily. Very descriptive but it is slang so choose who you say it to. To ‘piss’ is to urinate.
  • by the skin of my teeth – just got there in time so wasn’t affected (Land of Uz – Book of Job 7 – 4BCE…ie really old!)

Photo by Fiona Art on Pexels.com

#Narrative – Don’t come the raw prawn with me

Today I wanted to be here ‘in case the sh*t hits the fan’. Mum had a fall today and was taken away in an ambulance. She should be in a nursing home they’ll say. Well ‘don’t come the raw prawn with me’ cause we all know she just ‘won’t cop that’!

That old chestnut

People hint to mum that she should think about going to a nursing home. I’m sure ‘that old chestnut’ will be ‘back on the cards again’. I know she ‘wouldn’t have a bar of it’. Thing is oldies sometimes have no say in it. That really ‘makes mum’s blood boil’. See mum is such a private person. She loves her garden and her own space. The whole idea of being in hospital just ‘does her head in’ let alone a nursing home. She’d be ‘out of there in a flash’ if she could.

Stick to your guns

I was hanging by the computer ‘playing the waiting game’. My ‘heart was in my mouth’ when a call ‘came out of nowhere’. It was a real ‘blessing in disguise’. A stranger calls. She shares of how her nan broke her hip in her 90’s and was sent home after she recovered from a hip replacement. Her nan was ‘happy as Larry’. This stranger says “make sure you tell your mum to ‘stick to her guns'”.

It’s been a while since I wrote a piece on phrases and idioms. I hope these ones help you in understanding this uncertain space. A space where the very thing that draws family together can also pull them apart. We all want what’s best for mum but we all have different opinions.

Phrase/Saying

  • Be here in case the sh*t hits the fan – be close by in case something bad happens
  • Playing the waiting game – Not sure what to do so watch and wait
  • Heart in your mouth – Anxious
  • Came out of nowhere – Unexpected
  • Blessing in disguise – Something unexpected or unfortunate that results in something good happening
  • Does your head in – Makes you angry or frustrated
  • Out of there in a flash – Leave in a hurry
  • That old chestnut – Repeating the same old story so it becomes boring
  • Back on the cards – Discuss something that had been spoken of previously
  • Wouldn’t have a bar of it – (Australian saying) Won’t tolerate or put up with it
  • Make your blood boil – Make you very angry
  • Don’t come the raw prawn with me – (Australian saying) Don’t pretend you don’t know
  • Won’t cop that – Won’t take that. Not happy about that
  • Happy as Larry – (Australian saying) Very happy
  • Stick to your guns – Don’t give in

#true story – I love Gozleme

I was ‘a bit gobsmacked’ on the weekend. I scrolled through some blog posts of our local community group. In one post this bloke was ‘having a go’ at the lady that runs our local cafe. He was ‘banging on’ about how his pie was soggy. Oh ‘for Pete’s sake’ it’s a pie. Talk about ‘making a mountain out of a molehill’. Why ‘make a song and dance about it’? Maybe he just didn’t want to pay and made up some ‘cock and bull story’ to ‘get a freebie’. Wouldn’t be the first time. 

I have a great relationship with this cafe. Why? It is Gozleme cooked right in front of you. It is gourmet breakfast wraps to go with your Sacred Grounds coffee. It is the location. I often meander up the wharf to admire the city views with my coffee.

Wonderful Persian creations just like their owner at this place. Food so good. If she gives a recommendation you should just go with it. Yum!

Meander up the wharf

So back to that pie…’Talk about a storm in a teacup’. Just hope the blokes negative remarks ‘get blown out of the water’ and she doesnt lose any business. Covid lockdown was bad enough.

Gozleme

Phrase or Saying

Please note that these sayings are common in Australia even though they originate from overseas.

  • A bit gobsmacked – Surprised or astounded (UK Ireland/Scotland)
  • Having a go – criticising
  • Banging on – talk repeatedly or continuously (UK)
  • For Pete’s sake – expressing frustration (UK)
  • Making a mountain out of a molehill – where a person makes too much of a minor issue (UK)
  • Making such a song and dance about it – to complain about something in a way that is excessive or unnecessary
  • Cock and bull story – Tale that is unbelievable (UK)
  • Get a freebie – get something for free
  • Storm in a teacup – Exaggerate a small event (Rome 52 BCE)
  • Get blown out of the water – show something is false or wrong

Chin wag

I was looking ‘rough as guts’ after my morning session at the gym. It’s bad enough when you aren’t strong enough to put your ‘head in a pony’ but one glance in the mirror and I balked at the idea of heading back out. I ‘didn’t look like anything to write home about’ so wasn’t keen for a catch up over a coffee. The ladies are always so well groomed! Did I go? Betcha life I did. ‘Life’s too short’ and the weather was awesome. ‘Not too hot, not too cold, just right’! Better than hanging round at home.


So I’m headed down to the harbour with ‘a skip in my step’ and ‘happy as Larry’. I was about 20 minutes late but ‘better late than never’ as they say. When I ‘rocked up’ I was greeted with a sea of smiles. Now that really ‘blew me away’. I’m usually the first one there. It ‘never crossed my mind’ about what it looked like from the other side.


A cuppa coffee and a bit of a ‘chin wag’ and I soon forgot about my ‘manky’ hairdo. Instead I ‘squirmed in my seat’ ‘with my skin crawling’ as we spoke of escaped phythons, red belly black snakes, and funnel web spiders. All of these can be deadly and are Australian natives. I may be an Australian but spiders and snakes ‘really do my head in’.  


Well that’s my everyday adventure with a few sayings ‘thrown in just to mix it up a bit’.

  • Rough as guts – (Australian) Not well groomed. A bit rough looking
  • Head in a pony – Wear your hair in a ponytail
  • Didn’t look like anything to write home about – Nothing flash or noteworthy
  • Life’s too short – Life doesn’t last forever so enjoy it while you can
  • Not too hot, not too cold, just right – From Goldilocks and the 3 Bears fairy tale from 19th century England
  • Skip in your step – happy as I walk
  • Happy as Larry – (Australian) Happy – “Larry Foley, an undefeated Australian middleweight boxer in the 1890s” https://metro.co.uk
  • Better late than never – You eventually got there
  • Rocked up – Arrived 
  • Blew me away – Surprised / Impressed / Did not expect
  • Never crossed my mind – Didn’t think of it
  • Chin wag – friendly talk in a relaxed way
  • Manky – not great, rotten, dirty (in this sentence I mean it was not great)
  • Squirming in my seat – Feeling uncomfortable
  • With my skin crawling – Feeling frightened in an uncomfortable
  • Really do my head in – Can’t cope with the thought of it
  • Betcha life I did – Bet your life I did – I certainly did
  • Thrown in just to mix it up a bit – Added for some variety